My World is changing



The last few days have been incredibly surreal, crazy and stressful.  It all started Thursday.  There are several components not related.  I may have mentioned that my SIL and the kids decided to keep Bob’s truck in our driveway for “storage” and use when they are in town.  Well my nephew who lives in Hamden was given the keys to the truck by his brother.  He took that truck and left his RAV 4 and didn’t tell us.  SIL realized what was going on when she stopped by for some keys.  Apparently her kids asked her to keep the car instead of selling it. 

Then that same night my mother informed me there is a tumor on her pancreas and its enlarging.  At this point they are not doing anything.  There is no surgery planned and no “dead” lines being made. Mom has said she feels fine for now and wants to continue doing things that she wants or likes.  She did say I can tell those as my support system.  I have told a few friends, and several co-workers.  Other than she doesn’t want the whole world to know.  She doesn’t want people calling her up and giving unsolicited advice and telling her what to do.  I personally find that when people do that it’s offensive and much unappreciated.  I also told her that there will be people telling me and expecting me to “step up to the plate” and she said there will be no “stepping up to the plate necessary”.

My sister and I have talked about it and she understands where we are coming from.  However, my brother hung up on me when I calmly told him that right now we have a system in place that works for us.  That his advice isn’t helping right now.  I told him I love him but it just wasn’t helpful.  He hung up on me. 

I went to write the following:

Let’s get something straight right now.

You will NEVER speak to me like you did to me today on the phone or in person. I told you that Mom and I have a system in place right now that works for us.  You have no right to start telling me or insinuating that I need to step up to the plate.  I don’t know where you get the idea that I am not doing my share around here.  I do a lot of things.  I work full time and pay my own bills and volunteer. 

Telling me I need to start making lists and all these suggestions no matter how good your intentions they are not really helpful. 

It currently sits in my draft folder until I am a little calmer.  I told Liz about it and she explained that they are worried that I would not be able to take care of the house or will I be able to make the decisions.  She said ultimately it will be up to me.  She did say its okay to tell him he will not treat me the way he did.  Mom also told me to wait a few days and then send a less angry email.  She felt bad for me.  I had warned this was going to happen.

Liz seems to think (and I realize it too) that Mom has any where from six months to a year.  She feels that we will get things in order (at least I hope she does.

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