KateP's musings

  Friday was an anniversary or two my family said goodbye to Mom as she succumbed to pancreatic cancer.   She died with us around her and the Nursing staff that Liz got for her so that she would not die in a nursing home or hospital.   It was a very stressful and hard time.   Relationships were strained between siblings; I continued to work while mom was being cared for until the final days.   So called friends would interfere in things they had no right to.   In the days leading up to the funeral some preparations had changed.   Jim had gone home to do some things and returned in time for the funeral service and his family followed.   I remember how annoyed Liz was at his behavior and treatment of her.   It frustrated me because it was unnecessary.   Just as we were saying goodbye to Mom, the world was welcoming a four different short haired kittens.   They were eventually brought to Woodbridge Animal shelter.   Where they...

Today would have been my Dad’s 94 th Birthday.   I have been doing a lot of ‘What if’s lately.   What if he didn’t have high cholesterol, or kidney failure, or the alcoholism that affected his and our lives.   He battled the alcoholism before he died but it had lasting effects.   Would he be frail?   Would his memory be going like his sister RM?   Would his illnesses have caught up with him now?   As it did with his late Sister Patty? I wonder if he would have been able to take care of Mom during her last days.   I wonder what the relationships would be with my remaining siblings.   I wonder so many things and sometimes I am glad he didn’t survive because I don’t know what would have happened. So Today is Friday and it’s raining on and off.   Still humid. The sun is supposed to come out in the city and rain all day back home.   Hopefully an early morning crisis has been averted.   One of the admins is waiting on a piece ...

i can’t believe its Friday again.   This entire week flew by and I don’t know if I got a lot done or not. I remember sometihng Mom told me many years ago that I can’t just exist in the world I have to be doing something.   I guess that’s why every other day I get to feeling guilty that all I did is sit and didn’t do much. My plan to go to sleep early last night never saw the light of night.   I did try but I wanted to finish ysterday’s babble of an entry. A part of me focused on committing to the gym.   That met with mixed results.   I knew I would fall back into the old ways.   Skip classes, eat things I wasn’t really supposed and make up for it some other way.   I did get some walking in as well. i set the alarm for 4 this time so I would be getting up in time to feed the cats and leave for the 6 am class. I slept through the alarms but managed to get up and go and even the cats got fed. I am thinking i did a lot of writing WHETHER IT was i...

I should not have had the pecans last night.  my stomach was  blah for the first half of the morning.  After some regular coffee and farina. I was better.   I had more this evening and so far I am okay.   Today was the Employee participation event at work.  In the rain.  In the very cold rain.  I didn’t go because I felt I had too much to do.  From what others said the food choices were meh, and the gift was an insulated lunch bag.  I have plenty of those.   DId I mention it feels like winter?  I know I said I don’t remember May being so cold in the past but now the first five and half  of June ( Saturday afternoon was gorgeous) has felt like winter, rainy and cold, and damp.  It's been 60 to 65 in the house.  I know this because I have the thermometer on the fans show it.   AFter work I went to the HS to drop off the checks for this evening's presentation.  THey were getting set up an...

As I sit here thinking about the upcoming scholarship presentations I am looking forward to it with mixed feelings.  Feelings of anxiety, fear, excitement and of pride.  I have spoken only a few times in public (usually when it had to do with the Mutual Housing projects I was part of years ago).   I am proud that the Milford Democratic Town Committee chose to Honor Mom by forming the scholarship in her memory.  It would mean a lot to Mom to know they thought so much of her and her commitment to community service.  I am proud they asked me to present the scholarship to the kids.  I am also anxious about having to open my mouth in front of these people that will include a great number of them, neighbors, and of course my sister.  I also scared I will trip over my two feet. Tonight my sister will be joining me and I am hoping that at some point today my brother will let me know if he will be able to join me Thursday for that presentation.  He ...

WE had snow for a good portion of the morning.  I just relaxed.  AFter having a chat with Liz I got ready to do some shopping.  it wasn’t a lot the cat food and ink for both of us.  It was nearly 1 when I got back home.  I saw the pups and went to see them and chatted with Neighbor Chris.   AFter I had lunch of Shop Rite Chili I took a nap.  Actually most of the afternoon I napped.  I took an early evening shower and did some laundry.  I have the clothes here waiting to be folded.  In the evening I finally filled out the papers but now I was too late. Tuesday was slightly different in the morning I had my echocardiogram.  Discovered there is trivial amount of fluid around the heart and I need a stress test.  According to the phone call from DR. M it won’t be the treadmill but want to see if there may be a blockage.  Need to listen to the message I got from him this evening.  I will schedule it when I stop there...

Six Months ago today we sent Mom home on her final Journey where she is with my Father Bob, Brother Bob, both my grandmothers, grandfathers and her siblings and in-laws that waited for her.  Jim had told me during the whole illness, death, and post funeral activities that it never fails that six months to the day something usually happens (emotionally).  I have to say it hasn’t hit me yet but it may have earlier this week.  I am glad I have the kittens to help me if necessary. I got my blood work done this morning and that took some time.  The lab tech was a little late but there were only five or six of us that needed something done.  I hope it indicates whether or not what I am having is a flare up of some sort.    Last night I was in a lot of pain I couldn’t use my hands that well, I couldn’t open the laundry door (I am hoping later will be different)  I was crying out and I think I made the cats uneasy.  I have to admit right now...

Today was the Funeral home Holiday Memorial Service and it was a bit harder than I expected.  It actually was quite lovely.  There were at least 20 or thirty people  in attendance and  the deacon from St Mary’s read some passages from a Rabbi’s manual? (at least that’s what I thought he said)  and the list of all the family members that passed this year (many included people I knew or heard of from  the town) and of course there was a pewter ornament in the shape of an antique street lamp with Mom’s name and Birthday and  DOD.  I held it together up until the Lord’s Prayer.  I held hands with Liz and then I started to cry.   Afterwards refreshments were served.  Then we went out to a Christmas tree that in the parking lot in the Gazebo and found Mom’s name on a ribbon.    Shortly after that we headed back to Liz’s house. Liz was going to take a rest before coming back here to tackle the daunting job of  ...

On Saturday August 23, 2014 mother ended her battle with Pancreatic Cancer.   She is no longer in Pain. She was surrounded by her family and care givers.   She was 87 years old.   Services will be Wednesday and Thursday.   God Bless you Mom.

April 19, 2014 Dear Friends:     Hey all It is Saturday Morning and the day before Easter.  I am going to be taking over the rest of the preparations of the dinner tomorrow.  Mom is going to cook the lamb(s) and the side dishes and i am hoping she is going to let me help with the cooking.  Hopefully it won’t be stressful but she isn’t easy when it comes to pressure.  I know that I need to be close by so that she can turn it over.   I have a confession to make.  I really didn’t do too much yesterday after the last entry.  I did spend time on the computer and then I went to the store to get a few things I got most everything on the list but the one type of potatoes I was supposed to get I didn’t like the looks of and Mom understood so we will go together today. True to their word Mike & Tess stopped by with the scratch Bakery hot cross buns. They brought them last year so that we had something to serve guests and ourselves. ...

April 18, 2014 Dear Friends:     Happy Friday to you all.  It is a cloudy 41 degrees out and it will be in the 40’s for most of the day.  Today is Good Friday and for those of us who work in the University we have it off.  At least most of us have it off.  Today will be getting ready for my brother Jim’s visit.  Mom doesn’t know what time he is coming or if he is coming tomorrow.  Either way I am just trying to get stuff done.  I have got laundry going now.  I started it about half hour ago.  I am sorry I just didn’t start it earlier but it is what it is.     Last night was a really early night for me.  I got home just before 5.  I had stopped at the store and picked up a few things and then went home.  I found Mom asleep in the chair out back.  I noticed she had already gone to Costco so I didn’t have to go back out.  I decided to go and watch TV for a while until I was ready to e...

April 15, 2014 Dear Friends:     Well its the most anticipated and stressful day of the year isn’t it?  Its Tax Day.  For those of us who waited until the last day to file.  In this tax season there has been a focus on unscrupulous and fraudulent tax preparation places here in Connecticut as well as everywhere else..  Some were referred to as Store front tax preparing companies for some reason that confused me as the legitimate ones could also be storefront types as well.  They have to be licensed I guess.  The state is offering free preparation as well.  As I mentioned yesterday I don’t have to worry as i managed to get it done on Sunday with little or no problems.  I am not sure what next year will bring but who knows. I think we got our first April shower for the spring.  It has been raining all morning and it is in the high 50’s.  We are supposed to be getting snow into tomorrow morning.  I am not really l...

April 14, 2014 Dear Friends:     This weekend was not the best weekend.  Friday night after chasing after “Max” when he escaped from the back yard I fell while holding on to him and he got loose from me-again.  I had scraped hands, knees and bruised hand not to mention ego.    Lucky wasn’t being at all lovable so I left him to his own devices.     Mom was sleeping when I came home so I let her sleep after getting a few instructions from Liz.   I woke her up for her meds at 9 and then a half hour later she went back to sleep and I eventually went to bed.  The rest of the weekend between was the pits.  She was obnoxious and mean spirited.  Yes I realize she may not be feeling well but when she mistakenly thought I was on warfarin I tried to tell her and she was rude.  So she was absolutely unbearable for the rest of the weekend.  As I have maintained I don’t give a flying fuck that she is sick...